Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
