I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
50% drunk capacity currently
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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