I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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