god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
