People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
