you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
