why didn't you poke me back
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there was a trapeze. enough said
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
