Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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