I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
