He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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