What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't deserve a penis
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
