did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
