wrigley field is MILF paradise
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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