I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
