yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
