when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
