i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
