Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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