I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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