normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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