You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
