mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
