I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
