I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
