Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i will never coherently bang her
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
