i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
