she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
ok first of all what the fuck
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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