real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
