How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
