I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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