HIV tests are more positive than that guy
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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