All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
