I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
