You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm both gender and math confused
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
