I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
