They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
