if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
