Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
