take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
