Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
