he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
