we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
