do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
