He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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