Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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