oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I need to stop coming to work sober
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
