fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
