let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
