Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
