it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
