So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
