thus making me awesome and them whores
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
