My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
