Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
