i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
