Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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